• tyler miller

Three important questions


In my reflection time over the past three months, I keep coming back to a training Dr. Jonathan Paul Higgins (@DoctorJonPaul) did recently that I attended. As part of his training, he asked us these three questions:

  • What do You Need to Feel Seen?

  • What do You Need to Feel Heard?

  • What do you Need to Feel Important?

In the work I do, and in my personal life, I keep coming back to these questions. On one level, I need know the answers for myself. How do I feel seen, heard, and important. That is usually the hardest barrier for me to overcome. I don't always believe I am worthy of being seen, worthy of being heard, and worthy of being important. So when I reflect on these questions for myself, I get stuck in the process of arguing with myself whether these questions are valid for me.

What I have an EASIER (notice I didn't say easy) time doing is reflecting on how others feel seen, heard, and important. I have come back to these questions with people I supervise. One person shared with me "tyler, when you stop to write something down that others say but don't do that for me, it stings a bit." That was really helpful information for me as a supervisor to be aware of when I am writing notes and how people perceive that. I would never have imagined that was how someone perceived their importance with me. This kind of information is crucial, and I want to challenge us as to how open our staff would be providing us that kind of feedback?

I reflect back on the times people I worked with felt unseen by me, or did not feel important. I wonder if they felt like they could provide that kind of feedback that would have made me a better a supervisor for them. If they didn't, I reflect on what I can do differently to be a better supervisor so staff does feel comfortable sharing this kind of feedback.

I am not saying I always do a good job of this. But when I come back to it, I often find myself reflecting on better leadership and supervision. I hope you do too!


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